Writing Corner

I have two stories that I am working on currently.

The first one is paranormal and it's about a young girl named Mary. She is in a car crash and loses her father, but later on she starts seeing his Spirit. She must figure out why he is showing up and may come across a dashing new student at her school as well as some evil she needs to conquer. I only have the prologue and the first chapter up for this one. Somehow I feel it's a bit juvenile. Let me know what you think and please give me some feedback that I can work on. 

The second story is a contemporary romance book about a girl that meets a boy on a vacation she goes on. Yeah I know not the best synopsis, but that's all I've really got. I think this is written a bit better than the first one, but again please...feedback! I have more on this, but it went a bit too fast for my taste so I'm working on slowing it down a bit. So the first chapter was really the only one I got to.

Both of these are YA.

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Prologue

They laughed and sung as their favorite song came on the radio. One thing that Mary would always know is that her father was the best man she has ever known. Looking over at him now made her so proud to be his daughter. Her father was always there for her whenever she needed him and he always knew what to say and when to say it.

When her mother had run off, Mary thought her world had ended, but that was nothing from what her father felt. Joseph Devons never cried, but when Sarah left him with no answers, it was as if he never stopped. Mary had hated seeing him that way and tried to be strong for her dad.

They went through a lot of therapy over the past few years and finally got to the point where they could be happy once again. Mary was on the honor roll again and Joseph had just gotten a promotion. Now he worked more in the office than going out and fighting all the fires.

Mary looked over at Joseph and laughed ever harder as she saw him dancing in his seat. He sang at the top of his lungs and they never saw what happened. All of a sudden they were flipping in the air. Mary screamed as Joseph tried his best to shield her putting his arm in front of her body.

The last thing Mary saw was her father looking at her and screaming “Hold on Angel we will make it out of this!”

All of a sudden the world went black and silent.


Chapter 1

Mary heard a constant beeping sound in the background. She tried to find her alarm to turn it off. However, when she moved everything hurt. She suddenly opened her eyes and noticed that this wasn’t her room.

To her right side was a large window with no curtains and a small arm chair sitting there. She also found the source of the beeping and noticed it was a large machine. She looked closer at it and realized that it was a heart monitor. Mary jolted straight up only to feel sharp pain all over her body.

“That was probably not such a good idea” a woman told her. “I’m nurse Carol. How are you feeling?”

“Where am I?”

Carol looked at Mary with sympathetic eyes and responded “St. Catherine’s Community Hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

Mary took in the information and tried to force herself to remember, but nothing came. “No” she answered.

Carol checked Mary’s chart and made sure her IV line and monitor were doing good. When she had finished she told Mary “I will just go and grab your lunch. Do you think you can eat?”

Carol didn’t wait for an answer. She put the chart back in its place and left to get the food.

Mary was bewildered. She looked around once again and noticed a door that was wide open. Outside the door she saw a hallway and a desk. A Nurse was sitting there and saw Mary and gave her a smile. Mary turned away and realized that she was still in pain. She looked down at her arms and noticed that she had a cast on her left. ‘Well at least I can still write’ thought Mary.

She tried to sit up to see the rest of her injuries, but wasn’t able to.

‘What happened to me?’ Mary began to go back in her memory. She remembered that her dad and her were in the car singing. He started to do this ridiculous dance and all of a sudden a car hit his side. She remembered the feeling of being propelled and flipping over many times.

“Hold on Angel we will make it out of this!” Those were the last words she had heard and the fear on her father’s face made her cry harder. Then it was dark.

Mary tried to remember more, but to no avail. When she came back to herself she had tears streaming down her cheeks and realized that she had been screaming.

“Daddy! Daddy! Please come back! Daddy please!”

Three nurses were already there beside her and were trying to calm her down. She didn’t understand what happened she didn’t understand how she got here.

She looked at the nurse from the desk that she saw earlier and screamed “Where’s my daddy?! Where is he?!” The nurse looked at her and spoke, but Mary couldn’t here anything.

She saw Nurse Carol come close with a syringe in her hand and Mary started to panic even more.

“Don’t come any closer! You tell me where my father is!”

She struggled when the two other nurses held her down and she soon felt a slight pinch where the needle drove into her skin. Soon the nurses’ faces went blurry and she felt them lighten their hold on her. She was once again asleep in the darkness and silence.

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Ch. 1

He holds out his hand and asks me to come with him. "It'll be just you and me. I promise" he says with a smile. I smile back at him and let him help me onto the deck. He pulls me close and I wait for his lips to touch mine when a loud buzzing noise sounds.

"Ugghh really? Everytime." I move to my nightstand and turn my annoying alarm clock off. "Why can't you wake me up after the kissing?" I realize talking to my alarm clock does not vote well for my sanity, but really.
Once I've officially rolled out of my bed I check my cell phone for any messages. Nothing. What a surprise.

I sigh and continue to get ready for another day of school. The sun is shining today, which gives me a little more energy to get up.

I walk downstairs and  turn on the news. I turn the volume up so that I can hear it while I get my breakfast from the kitchen.

The only time I watch the news is for the weather. I prefer not to hear about all the depressing things that happen in the world and focus on when the weather is going to get better.

Pouring myself a bowl of cereal I hear the weatherman tell me that it's supposed to be eighty five outside today. Thank God.

Completely forgetting about my cereal I go on up and choose a white summer dress, do my makeup, and brush out my curly brown hair. My eyes are impossibly green today, just like my mother's, and so I put on eye shadow that dulls them a little.

My grandparents moved to the United States when my mother was only five. They came from Ireland and were infatuated with America when they went on a summer trip, deciding later to make it a permanent stay. When my mom turned eighteen she met my dad at a nearby diner that she worked at. They fell in love, got married a couple years later and had me and my siblings.

Connor was born first and has always been the fussy one, wanting to do what he wants and not what everyone else wants him to do. He is also the biggest trouble maker of the family. Being twenty and off at college makes him think he can do whatever, which only angers my parents even more than he already has. He is home for summer vacation and is telling me all I need to know about the "college life." Though, I tend to believe that half of the things he tells me only happens in his world and I will never see them in my life.
Bridget is the youngest of the family, at twelve years old. She loves to dance in her ballet and Irish step dance classes. Her dream is to become a ballerina, but honestly what girl hasn't wanted to be one? Sometimes she gets on my nerves, especially during show times. That's when I walk into my room finding my makeup all over the place and her sitting there in the middle of it all.

I finish getting ready and go on downstairs to finish my cereal. I look at the time and notice I have ten minutes before I have to leave. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and then I go and let Kipper and Chloe outside.

Bridget wanted a Pomeranian one year so bad she wouldn't stop talking about it. So to shut her up my parents went to the pet store and got one for her birthday. Honestly, I think Chloe is just as sassy as my sister is. Chloe doesn't seem to like me that much even though I'm the one that gives her the most food.
Kipper is my brother's dog; a Bloodhound and to be honest he's my favorite. Even though, he tends to make a pond with his drool whenever food is in his sight.

Once they are done with their business I give them their breakfast and get the cat food out for my kitten Oliver. Oliver is an orange tabby cat with green eyes. I named him after the kitten in "Oliver and Company" which to this day is one of my favorite Disney movies.

Once I'm done I get my bag and hear my cell phone ring. "Hello?"

"Where are you? I told you that you had to be here twenty minutes ago! Now I won't have enough time to tell you what I heard!" I roll my eyes. Stacey stays up on drama within the school and declares that I must know everything too. Sometimes I wonder how we are best friends, but we have been since sixth grade.

"Sorry I woke up a little late today" I told her which wasn't such a lie, but I also took my own sweet time this morning.

"Whatever. We need to talk! Come as soon as you can. Hopefully Ms. Krebs will be late again so that I can tell you everything. Now get your butt over here!"

"Alright, alright I'm on my way" I say while locking the door behind me. "I'll be there soon" I tell her, but everything is silent on the other end and then I hear a little hum that tells me she hung up.

I sigh and start the ignition of my car. My parents got me this car when I turned sixteen and it's so old that the doors didn't open so we had to buy other ones. They are all the same color, but you can tell that they are a shade darker than the rest of the car.

I drive into the parking lot of the school and see Stacey standing where I usually park. She looks exasperated and I'm sure I will know why in less than five minutes.

Stacey is the stereotypical beach blonde that every guy in town wants. However, she has had a boyfriend, Dominick, for three years now and could care less what the boys here think. He's coming up for our graduation next month while she gives the Valedictorian speech. She's already decided that she's going to college with him even if she did get accepted to Yale. Her parents aren't all too happy, but there's nothing they can do. She keeps saying she's in love, and who am I to decide. They've been together for so long they might as well be married.

I give her a knowing look and she spills the story. "Remember how Olivia Fuller said that she was never getting with a guy? Yeah? Well there goes that! She's been pregnant for two months now!" She waits for me to say something and when she realizes she isn't getting a response she continues.

"And she can forget about college because she's keeping the baby and she has no idea who the baby's father is. So there goes her perfect reputation. She apparently slept with five guys and protection was the last thing on her mind. That poor kid right? He won't even know who his father is! Unless of course she's smart enough to get that all figured out."

"So I'm sure all the boys are saying they had sex with her too huh?"

"Yeah. It's ridiculous. It's as if a girl's deflowerment is worth more than a million dollars."

I smirk at her and say "you did not just say 'deflowerment' did you?"

"What? Do you want me to say they popped her cherry? I thought that was a cleaner way to say that."

"You're right" I saw laughing. I think the sun is giving me a high.

Stacey all of a sudden looks more serious and asks "have you heard from Jason lately?"

I sigh and respond "no. In fact he hasn't called or text me all weekend. I'm beginning to think he's blowing me off."

"You're his girlfriend. You think he'd give you the time of day!"

I looked at her and saw the determination in her eyes. "You are not going to hunt him down and demand that he talk to me."

"I thought it was a good idea" she mumbles.

"It's probably just another fight with his dad. You know how that goes."

"Yeah. You're probably right. But if he hurts you I have unused kung fu moves that would work perfectly on him."

I laugh and say "I'll make sure to give you a call."

Stacey smiles and says "good."

As soon as we get to our lockers the first bell rings.

"Crap! We need to get to homeroom."



-Marleigh